Last wk of in China

finally itp coming to an end
i really got sick and tired of writing reports
and the reports are harder to write than poly's one
but that's not the worst
the worst is that after working so hard for it
our overall grade is only a B+
sigh.....
something even worst is that
EVERYONE and i mean really EVERYONE i ask who is in this China ITP
ALL GOT A.........

sigh.....
no mood for anything liao
sianz

i am missing Shanghai already
especially the food
but this ITP really spoilt everything

tonight gg for commom meal dinner buffet at some seafood restaurant
no appetite for anything liao
i guess i should go and listen to the
"How to handle dissapointment" audio sermon given to me by cg ppl
but i think now i cannot take in anything into my head now

You feel that everything is going against you and you are worn out and exhausted by all the conflict and quarrelling. You are trying to protect yourself but at the same time you are hiding your feelings, hoping that by so doing, you can avoid exposing yourself to attack. Hopefully this will give you the chance to get on with your life. Nevertheless, you should be very careful to try to avoid stirring up any opposition which might endanger your plans:

For some time now you may have been subjected to considerable physical illness and or emotional distress. This may have taken a severe toll and you feel both physically and mentally worn out. Your self esteem has been reduced and you now need a peaceful environment which will permit you to effect full recovery.

It is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no one to rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you'll have to make the best of things as they are.

Your stress and anxiety are a result of an emotional disappointment. It could well be that the emotional relationship is no longer running smoothly and you have come to the end of your tether. On the one hand you would like to free yourself from this relationship altogether, yet on the other hand, you don't want to lose anything nor risk the uncertainty of throwing away something - something that's precious, something that could be the 'Real Thing'. Perhaps for the first time in your life you really don't know which way to go and it is these contradictory emotions that are causing you the untold stress. You are pretending to the world that you don't care but even this air of pretence is causing you much heartache.

You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.

the last paragraph not accurate
i wont really withdraw ba
just need a while to get over it

God i need ur grace
help me to handle everything
Amen

4th Week of Work...

time really flies
so fast i am now in the 4th week of work in Shanghai
i think in my cliche i am considered quite fortunate
burger and i have long lunch hrs 11.30am-2pm
work hrs are 9am-5.30pm
even though burger and my work are quite intensive
doing report every wk
gg crazy over the financial data and prospectus of companies
i think we really did learn stuff

the boss told us to do translation for a 22 page report on this mon and tue
we were shocked coz is from chi to eng
and the topic is regarding some gas industry
totally no link to wat we are exposed to
tough day la
i think it is even worst than doing report in some ways
coz we really dun understand a lot of words
then very funny we ask all our china itp friends who has msn
XinYi-from Malaysia
George-from Taiwan
Hanming-from China
Ourselves-from Singapore
haha everyone like duno la
how pathetic it is sia
we are supposed to translate 2 pages per person each day
end of monday
we only done 3/4 of a page TOGETHER!!!

so tough le
then we told our boss
he told us to try another day
for tue
then not so bad la
coz a lot of repetitive stuff
so we did till BEGINNING of page 4 lol
at 5.30pm we go ask him then he say he no do liao
so we just gg to concentrate on our Discounted Cash Flow(DCF) Model
sounds familar right???
yes it's from MA and FF....faint!!!!

so here we are supposed to do yet i blogging
and burger talking to ceyang and her friends haha....

recently got quite a few things happen in this trip
dun wanna talk abt it
but at least it's over
and we got the results that we want
but also through these 2 weeks
that i really thought abt a lot of stuff
how politics certain stuff can be
and i used to thought ignorantly
that these kind of things cant really happen yet
while i'm still schooling

i think like xin ji quite heavy
but still i understand
everyone wants to protect themselves
so we all in turn will become cunning
it's a cruel world
like wat tv always say be eaten or eat others
either u become strong or be prepared to be eaten by the strong

but like wat i told burger
church always teach us
we all have talents within ourselves
they can make u very strong and powerful
and from there
either u turn very bad
or u struggle to maintain to be good
but it is actually not a struggle if u think this way
"I wanna use my talents for the good,weak and the poor"
we are who we are for a reason...God's reason
keep that faith and i believe it will be done

i did a test just now at
http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/

My results are

You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.
(i didnt really think of it till it is put into words. I want to be needed)

In the past there have been - and maybe there still are - many things that you have had to do without. You have now decided to set your sights on a position or situation that could give you greater prestige and which will afford you considerable self esteem.
(true...i wanna do that. I'm gg to be involved in something like that which not a lot of ppl know abt it yet)

You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.
(this is wat i dread...coz i'm really in this situation now.)

Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.
(Scaringly true....sigh..i hope they can see this. For those who know my problems u all know who i'm referring to)

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.
(Will they do it though??? it seems like a far far away dream)

this is soooooooo true...
i'm going to do it once in a while
to see if there are any changes

I miss Singapore
I miss my family
I miss my cell grp
I miss my church
but i dread going back
to face the problems that i have run away temporarily from
to face the work that i'm supposed to do
to accept the responsibility that i'm going to take up
to meet the person whom i really need to talk to
to lose the temporarily freedom that i have now

Lord...I commit everything into ur hands
Give me protection Lord
Physically and Mentally
especially over my Mindset, Father
I pray all these in JESUS ALMIGHTY NAME
AMEN

Working life

haiz...
it's monday again
2nd wk of work
now is currently 9.40am
burger(cairong) and i waiting for 10am
for our supervisor to give comments abt our Parkson report
and to ask him grade our logbooks ba
scared that i will get bad grades sia

and i realise i forgot to blog something
CHEENA BLOCKS BLOGSPOT & TAGBOARD!!!!
i cant go into websites with blogspot.com at the url
and i cant tag on ppl tagboard

luckily smart burger told me to use go to youhide.com
only then can we visit blogspot webby
but still very ma fan la....

last wk something very surprising happened
i was very home-sicked on last mon
so i called my mum at 12.30am
to listen to her voice
i cried a bit (ok quite a bit la)
i think i heard my mum crying a little too
but still trying to console me
we talked quite long
i think 40min ba
then after putting down the phone
i think my mum called my dad
coz he is also in china ZhangChun
i think i'm quite stupid i made my parents worried quite a bit

then on last wk tue night
dad called me saying he flying to Shanghai on wed late afternoon
i was shocked
he was actually going back spore on fri
but after hearing my phonecall
he flied specially here to Shanghai
and he accompanied me till sun
i'm really very touched

he actually can stayed in 5 star hotels
coz all his expenses can be claimed from company
but becoz of me he came to the budget Motel 168
ytd had dinner with him and sent him to take taxi to airport

as the taxi drove away
i felt very lonely
and i started crying a little
guess it is only when the taxi drove away
then did i realise how i much i will miss him

nxt wk my mum sis and grandma coming also
i'm scared coz
i dun wan that feeling of them sitting a cab and go away from me
leaving me alone again for a few weeks more

i miss church and cg a lot too....
Lord am i gg to have my breakthrough during this China ITP???