Life has to go on....

Wed 25 July 2007
the bus accident that happened less than 2 wks from the previous car accident
why......
just wat is happening....
everything that is happening seems to be related to her....
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Thu 26 July 2007
UCCD presentation finally over.....
wont be going for the lecture and last tut
cause dun like the tcher....
she seems more biased to the guys
and also cause she taught them last yr
so i think the grading might be a bit more biased to the former dbf 22 class.....
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Fri 27 July 2007
went back to sch specially for 1 hr MA lecture and hand in MA project
MA really brought out the bad side of everyone
ppl are throwing temper
cursing vulgar words
angry and stressed
crying in desperation
giving up....
i'm lucky not to be that extent but definitely very stressed and frustrated
cause half of the time i'm very blur
very lucky to have cai rong in my grp
although a bit guilty not to have hlp much
made a promise that this will not happen again
no skipping of impt MA practical nxt sem.....

had a very tired and stressed day then finally waited for cg time
went to West Mall at 4pm to have bible study with catherine
after cg is bbq
really enjoyed my time there despite the tiredness
chee leng and i was so tired that we had a "tiny little nap" before the cg lol =p
but i must say going to cg really brightens my day
cause i really feel so loved there
i thank u Lord for each and every unique person in my cg

chee leng told me sometime that she yee jie and clarice had thought of
why is there so many accidents happening in my family
i had thought a little abt it but didnt dare to dwell on it
but after mentioning by chee leng
cant hlp but think.....
is it possible???
wanted to ask catherine on that day
but didnt have the courage to face the ans yet
plus it was late had to leave already

then reached home had phone conference abt bookbuzz
had wondered whether should i really take up so many things in my life now
but i think it should be ok cause nxt sem wont be as packed ba
hopefully.....
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Sat 28 July 2007
went to malaysia as usual in the morning
after we came back my mum and I went to register for driving basic theory test
test date is on 4th Oct
thought it was Sep but oh well longer time to study
didnt went church......
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Sun 29 July 2007
woke up early at 6.45am to prepare to go for church
had slp at almost 2am ytd
reading harry potter bk 7
whole family hadnt slp cause they had afternoon nap but i was doing FA tut
then my mum asked me in a stern voice
"Are u sure u going church tmr? It is already almost 2am. How many hrs do u have to slp?"
i just sighed silently and said yes i'm still going...
then went to bed.

very sad cause today had a special ministry svc where the pastor Mike Connell
will cast out devil during a special 1 hr period for everyone after the normal svc
the normal svc ended at 12pm used to be normally 12.30-1pm then end
thought i could stay for a while to see the deliverance
but.....
as usual i just left the church with tears and relectant feelings
and went to tampines mall to wait for my parents and sis
cause my dad had to meet a client there at 3pm
in the end i waited 1 AND A HALF HOUR FOR THEM!!!!!
it was 2.10pm then they arrived
if i had went for the special ministry which will end at 1.30
I WOULD STILL BE EARLIER THAN THEM!!!!
i was so frustrated......
why......
before i left expo my dad had actually said i can stay at expo till they come and fetch me
but my mum asked my sis to sms me
"Mum say from now onwards dun call her hp anymore or sms.
she is boiling up already and dun ever talk to her anymore
Mum says u r a liar."
wat can i say after seeing this sms
so i left expo immediately
i realise i really dun understand her anymore
who is the one changing here
i really duno anymore....

i was in tears when i hugged my cg mates gdbye
i'm struggling to go for cg and svc each wk
facing both the distance
time taken
arguments that occurred
stress to handle
but dun understand how come some ppl can treat it so....
casually not appreciating wat ease they had in coming.
going to church and svc is very
precious to me.....

i had wanted to ask catherine abt the qn that i thought of since fri
but didnt have the chance
or was it courage
i really duno wat i myself want sometimes
indecisive tiffany
make up ur mind!!!!!!

if wat chee leng they all thought is true
then i really will be hesistant for the nxt course of action
but i know deep in my mind
this possibility is quite high
if i asked the qn
i might not be able to take that ans....
or the regret that i will feel if i asked
should I or should I not???
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omg....i think i getting a flu
kept sneezing today with a blocked running nose
tmr still got CRM presentation
formal somemore
sigh......
after this presentation still got a MA test on wed
OMG i just remembered still got that Khong Guan business trip
so that means.....
duno prayer grp can make it or not
sigh.....Satan's really strong on our prayer grp so many consecutive things happening on wed
BREAKTHROUGH!!!!!
the name of my blog
the url of my blog
the dream in my mind
the faith in my heart.

Transformed by Troubles

projects!!!!!
actually i'm actually pretty much done with my projects except ma1
just worried abt the various presentations....
formal again......
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bought the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
read the 1st few pages then i stopped
but i DID turn to the last page of the bk
and GLANCED at the last few sentences to see if Harry Potter had died lol
was satisfied with the results
HE DIDNT DIE!!!!!
hahaha.....
not really in the mood to read yet
choose to read my bible and Purpose Driven bk instead
proud of myself for this :)
cause i'm placing God FIRST!!!!!
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just wan to put down some meaningful things from my reading
Day 25-Transformed by Trouble

It is the fire of suffering that brings forth the gold of goldliness.

God has a purpose behind every problem.

God uses problems to draw me closer to him.

Your circumstances are temporary, but your character will last forever.

If you look at the world, you'll be distressed.
If you look within, you'll be depressed.
But if you look at Christ, you'll be at rest!

The secret of endurance is to remember that your pain is temporary but your reward will be eternal.

You'll never know that God is all you need until God is all you've got.

God help me.....

it had been a long time since i updated
busy with FA test and projects
didnt feel like updating but very heartbroken abt something
need to let it go
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it happened on 14/07/07
the day i went for sat svc
i had bear a terrible consequences for it
i feel that i'm a selfish inconsiderate stupid idiot worthless prat!!!!!
i'm very tired and sick
physically and mentally

my parents and sister had a car accident when i was at church around 6pm plus
a lorry banged into them at the back
the car was a little dented towards inside
but they are not hurt
my mum said if i had been with them and not insisting on going church
they would not meet with the accident
they would not have went that path
it is God's will she said....

when i came back from church
she scolded me for 3 hours all the way till almost 2am
she say who will spend 6hrs in church
every wk i go church we will quarrel
she is sick and tired of me
dun wanna talk to me
dun wanna bother me anymore
said between her and my church friends
i gave her up
when i left the car and go church she said her heart broke
and tears had fell
she said the whole family without me like wandering aimlessly in shopping malls
even my father told her
saying i grown up no need them anymore
she said she nv used to dislike my friends in the past
but now she really hate CHC and all my church friends
biggest mistake in her life is letting me go CHC
she said i betrayed her
she lost the 18yrs daughter
said i was very cruel to her

and i really cannot stand it when she...
when she....
she thank me for making her wake up
letting her know that she wasted all her time and effort the past 18yrs
she said everything in a broken and crying voice
she said i'm brainwashed
she said i wil nv be able to change her and my dad...EVER!!!!

my heart is bleeding present tense still bleeding since sat
how do i study with all these thoughts in my mind
i screwed up my FA also i guess
everytime when i stared at the notes
my mind will be filled with her words
and tears will start to blur my vision

Lord i'm in pain and suffering
can u deliver me from all these
when will it stops
i dun wanna give up
i dun wanna let go
but i might not be able to hold on for long
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so friends i just wanna say
appreciate the freedom and trust ur parents placed in u
not everyone has it
not everyone will have it
dun wait till a pt where it is like my circumstances
then u regret
it might be too late for repairs
cause the damage is done
the hurt is forever encraved inside ur heart
nothing will be able to undo it
cause we cant turn time back

New blog skin

well just changed my new blog skin today
cause i'm a bit tired of the old one
but also becaz i saw this skin
it has the word "LOST" on the sand
and the word "FATE" on the guy's finger
had a feeling i just HAD to choose this =p
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LOST is my
past
current situation
and my goal.

the past when i'm lost without purpose in life
current situation cause i'm lost in the realm of HIM
my goal cause i wan to reach out to the lost
bring them to Jesus
spread the good news of his gospel

thus how could i not choose this =)
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sigh....didnt go sch today cause sick
sick for quite a while liao but still havent recover
thought of resting today
but still ended up doing projects
after the inital distraction of changing my blog skin haha....
then did my CRM and UCCD projects.....
sigh.....but had headache all day
ended up with like little work done
and the work seems to be quite without flow.....
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anyway i got my fav song on IMEEM
and placed it here
One Life One Love
the song title actually is very meaningful

u only have one life
wat do u wanna do with it?
if u only can have one love
who will u place it with?

or actually the title dont mean a lot to others
or actually is it becaz i'm a literature student
thus i read too deeply in things lol =p
but is it gd or bad???
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prayer grp argh......
now i understand wat vincent say
when u wanna start something
a lot of things can come up

1st wk wed is he sick nv come sch
2nd wk wed is chee leng got something on
3rd wk wed is i have the talk with MOE

strange huh how all this coincidences happen
ALL ON WED!!!!!
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today ridwan(spgg pool team vice-cap) he sms me and a few others
asking us whether we still interested in the pool team
if not he will strike our names of the list
so we need not pay the monthly $5 extra fees (used to be $10)
i'm actually still interested
just a lot of things happened
and became very busy
so i think nxt wk onwards
i will at least try to make time and go after sch

07/07/07

once in a 1000 year
07/07/07
a day where a lot of ppl getting married at the ROM
and......
one of them is my uncle (mum's brother)
their appointment time is 1.30pm
spent like 5mins inside
$500 lol

one thing i felt very uncomfortable with is the way the read their vows
i know it is not my position to commend
but the way the both of them read it
is like so childish and not serious
like primary sch kids reciting
once back in the car with my dad and sis
i told my dad and sis
if my future husband said in that way
i would say
"Let's forget it...I'm not going to marry u"
LOL
but really le if my future husband so unconcerned
then i believe i can find a better guy =p
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sigh......i'm feeling very sad the whole day actually
cause my heart is on church in expo
but cant make it by 5pm
after that going to sim lim
yet my parents dun let me go tmr
cause we going malaysia early in the morning
i asked them a lot of times
but........
i'm like looking forward to go church for the whole week
yet........
i'm even denied the right to go for a while
felt like crying
but i promised someone i will be happy for GOD's sake
i will try.....
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i bought a Nintendo DS lite at Sim Lim Square just now
didnt seem to have the effect of making me happier
downloaded a whole lot of games that seems to be quite fun
but really i think
deep inside my heart
it is not wat i really really want and need
it is a luxury item
that will just temp forget abt the unhappiness
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Lord
have a feeling i'm not doing something right
but cant put my finger on the problem
or maybe
i know the problem
but i dun wanna admit it????

I'm lost myself then how do i lead the lost to u????

FRIDAY!!!!!

sigh....realise that i sooooo look forward to friday cg
after a long week finally it is friday
but time passes so fast when it is friday!!!
WHY!!!!!
i dun have enough of cg and all my friends there :'(
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quite moody whole week sia
realise a lot of ppl also like that
maybe cause of weather lol
haha or maybe some star or planet not in the right position lol =p

but finally something happy today cause
DELCONI WENT TO CG WITH ME!!!!!
and the best thing is that
HE PROMISED TO COME NXT WK ALSO!!!!!
hahaha......but yeah lor i'm very happy for him
cause i think he really need Jesus to hlp him
he still could not let down something that happened 4 yrs ago....

plus i think this would be gd for him
cause he dun have a lot of friends
cg is the place where he will be surrounded by a lot of friends
sincere and genuine friends!!!!!
i feel that a lot of his friends in the past
is just like taking advantage of him only
i was a bit angry at them
but i feel guilty cause i didnt do anything to hlp him......

Now that i think back
Delconi is one of the few closest guy friend in my life
i have a lot of gd close girl friends
but few close guy one
he is like among those who are closest to me
so i really want him gd =D
Del i'll pray for u!!!!
For ur studies and
For u to know GOD the ALMIGHTY!!!!
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stressed by projects!!!!
stressed by my grp project mates!!!!
STRESSED!!!
STRESSED!!!
STRESSED!!!

Lord give me the strength to endure through all these areas of my life
Projects
Grp mates
Studies
Family

i know everyone around me especially those in same course is feeling the same
so Lord

please relieve us of our stressfulness and prosper in our studies
so that we christians can make an impact in the world
be ur witness
and glorify u!!!!

Love is wat life is all abt.

sigh....today should have prayer grp but vincent last min say he sick
so cancelled =(
so disappointed.......
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today chee leng had PT and she was very afraid
of seeing her ex-bf ba
my lesson ended at 3pm and i accompany her till 4pm
actually this action quite unlike me lol
if it had been the past me
i guess i would just go home and rest or do the mountain pile of projects
cause i was sick(cough and sore throat)
but i actually stay.....
cause i understand that
LOVE is wat life is all abt
as usual derived from my Purpose Driven book =p
(i really LOVED the book)

Jesus is all abt LOVE
Lord wants us to love each and other
especially those in the hse of GOD!!!

my heart feel at peace after praying for chee leng
as well as quite a lot of mixed feelings
i duno how to describe but
i feel good =D

"Relationships are what life is all about"
"The greatest gift i can give someone is my time"

"The best use of life is love.
The best expression of love is time.
The best time to love is now."

i made a resolution to spend time with the ppl i love
no matter how busy with projects i am
no matter i cant accomplish wat i intend to do
as long as......

"God, whether i get anything else done today, i want to make sure that i spent time loving u and loving other ppl- becaz that's wat life is all abt. I dont want to waste this day"

AMEN!!!

Prayer Grp...........

had been busy the past few days finally got a bit of time to blog today =p

time really flies it had been like only a few days since the end of MST
but everything comes pouring down already
that is
PROJECTS!!!!!
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oh and 1 more thing that i'm excited abt and that is
PRAYER GRP!!!!!!
is going to be tmr

Revival in SP!!!!

Vincent will be leading with chee leng and me.
It will definitely be a enlightening time!!!!
Lord please bless our prayer grp
so that we can be witness to ur GLORY!!!!
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feeling quite unease since monday
i had a disturbing dream on both sun night and mon night
i dreamt of someone i USED to care a lot abt.....begging
my heart aches when i think of it

i had meeting on mon and as i sat outside clubhse waiting for those who have the keys
i thought abt that dream and i almost cried
i started praying
and God actually seems to reassure me
he sent an angel msg to me
an angel by the name of Yee Jie
she sent me a bible verse
"For when I am weak, then I am strong"
God's power made perfect in our weakness
tears actually filled my eyes.....
she always seems to capture me at times when i'm most in need
and most lonely
and renew my strength with her msg....
thx YJ =D

then ytd night i actually dreamt of a USED to be close friend have a serious illness
i'm scared very scared
dun let both of these dreams come true
please Lord dun let it come true
I beg u......
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i realise nowadays i'm like always envying others
jealously is it???
but i know i shouldnt
God created each of us individually to be unique and different

i want something
but if i get it
i will lose something that might not be recoverable
maybe this is the reason that's why i still did not have my breakthrough
cause i really duno wat should i do
Lord guide me
I just want to be more like u
guide me
make me the person u wan me to be
I pray in Jesus name
AMEN!!!!